Carve-Ups

Carve-Ups - The Rudest Food Reviews
by Michelle Lovric

Ever since Goldilocks criticised the temperature of her porridge, people have been saying nasty things about other people’s cooking.

From the food would create an insurrection in the poorhouse (Mark Twain) to the coffee tastes like water that has been squeezed out of a wet sleeve (Fred Allen), this elegant little book serves up the most piquant morsels of wit ever spewed out by malicious gourmets.

It covers every situation from pretentious cuisine (Who has the time to skin the baby rabbit and dip it in the duck’s tears?) to lousy waiters (the service is like herpes), from home cooking (In our house Thanksgiving was a time for sorrow) to foreign food (the trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later you’re hungry again), from vegetables (Side of Slaw ought to be a minor character from Beowulf) to seafood (tastes precisely like ferocious, vicious, diseased urine) and meat (I did not say that this meat was tough. I just said I didn’t see the horse that usually stands outside) to the art of reviewing itself (I was once hung and burned in effigy [at] a bad Chinese restaurant that didn’t like the review I wrote).

Sample spreads:
1. Contents
2. Restaurant reviews
3. Pretentious cuisines
4. Vegetables and vegetarians

Copies are available from Mamelok Press.

The American edition (to be called Skewered) was published by Chicago Review Press on April 1st 2007.

Michelle Lovric is available for interview or comment - contact details are on the Contacts Page